


Messing About

by bonzai_bunny



Series: Tumblr Ficlets [19]
Category: Batman - All Media Types, DCU
Genre: Drabble, Ficlet, Gen, No proofreading we die like mne, clark doesn't feature until the last bit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-27
Updated: 2020-02-27
Packaged: 2021-02-22 13:16:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 659
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22916770
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bonzai_bunny/pseuds/bonzai_bunny
Summary: Bruce gets kidnapped and has some fun trolling his kidnappers.
Relationships: Clark Kent & Bruce Wayne
Series: Tumblr Ficlets [19]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1203553
Comments: 8
Kudos: 89





	Messing About

**Author's Note:**

> This is a silly little thing that I was originally going to post on discord but then I realized how long it would be so I decided to just post it here instead. Un-proofread.

"You shouldn't zip tie people from the front, it's easier to break that way," Bruce said as his attempted kidnappers did just that. From the looks of them, they were either amateurs or fools and well, Bruce  _ did  _ enjoy having a legitimate reason to not go to his meeting with Lex Luthor.

"Seriously, you can just break it over your knees," Bruce added, while one of the kidnappers growled,

"Shut up!" and shoved him into their open van door. It was black, which would have been useful had they not chosen to do this in the late afternoon. You could get away with that kind of stuff in Gotham--people there had the most remarkable ability to mind their business-but not in the shining city of Metropolis. Bruce could have called for Superman to help him and he could have been rescued in seconds without blowing his cover or anything, but where was the fun in  _ that _ ? And his decision had absolutely nothing to do with the fact he and Clark were fighting.

"So, are you ransoming me or what?" Bruce asked once he was on the floor of the van, sitting cross-legged. There were four kidnappers total: two in the back with him, with their guns pointed towards him, and two up front. They all had their faces covered, which was better than nothing Bruce supposed. They were still too stupid to gag him.

"We're going to kill you if you don't shut up!" One yelled at the same time the other said,

"We're baiting Superman."

Both thugs looked at each other with something akin to betrayal.

Bruce hummed and nodded.

"Big Blue definitely will try to help rescue me. Hope Batman doesn't get involved."

"What?" The thug who had volunteered their plan asked. He sounded genuinely worried.

"Why would Batman get involved?"

"Stop talking to our victim!"

"I just think, if  _ Batman  _ might show up, then maybe we should talk about this!"

"Damn it Gary Batman isn't going to show up you idiot, we're in Metropolis!"

Bruce made a noise of disagreement because he loved stirring the pot.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Gary asked right away over the other's frustrated growl.

"It's just, Batman and I have a special relationship. He probably won't take kindly to me being gone."

The not-Gary thug paused gave Bruce a look over. "What, are you two fuckin'?"

If Bruce didn't have a gun pointed in his face, he would have rolled his eyes. "No, I'm his financial benefactor."

"See, Charlie, this is the kind of thing we need to research before we go grabbing people--"

"For the last time, Batman is not going to show up!"

The two devolved into arguing and Bruce sat back and enjoyed the ride.

\--o0o--

“You’re welcome,” Bruce said after he had thrown the kryptonite down the stairs. He would retrieve it when Clark left, but it was far enough away now that Clark’s powers started to return.

“You—” Clark narrowed his eyes at Bruce and the knocked-out goons between them. “Did you get  _ kidnapped _ just to prove a point?”

“No,” Bruce said even though he absolutely did. “And anyway, we need to figure how these idiots got their hands on kryptonite. Meet me at the cave in two hours. I can tell you ‘I told you so’ later.”

Clark shook his head in disbelief.

“You’re a real piece of work, Bruce,” he said but his tone was fond.

“Only when I’m right,” Bruce responded, “which is always.”

Clark rolled his eyes.

“I’m going to take these guys to the police, do you need anything?”

“No.”

He turned around to rifle through the head thug’s pockets, where his cellphone was. There had been multiple unsuccessful attempts to break into his phone. These guys really were idiots. Bruce heard Clark begin to gather them all together and he saw that he had 47 missed voice messages.

Ugh.

Well, his good day had to end some time.


End file.
